i think today i realized how temporary what i do is. i work for weeks and weeks on a project in order to have it critiqued for 5 - 10 minutes. the end. all the time invested, energy, motivation, inspiration, creative imagination...5 - 10 minutes and finished. i think it truly frustrates me at times, especially when i know that something i have done is the best i can do - that this is something i'm proud of and feel like it deserves attention. i love the feeling of knowing i am happy and satisfied with my work and have nothing to fear when placing it before the scrutiny of my peers and professors. the not so great feeling is after your minutes of spotlight attention are up and your work is put away and you take it home...to sit somewhere quietly neglected.
i have yet to reconcile myself to the entirely temporary state of all my efforts. the results are sorely lacking in satisfaction.
i'm trying so hard to understand this career path i've chosen and simultaneously realize that it isn't all important. the above quote is taken from one of the worship songs we sang this morning: be unto your name. while singing these words, the truth of it clicked with my repressed feelings, not meaning that i've completely accepted what i know to be true, but it's work in progress.
i am a moment. all i do is a moment. only You are forever; only You are eternal.