20090429

what did we LISTEN: owl city

owl city - the technicolor phase
properly addicted since christal's video. yay for may 7th show

video

I am the red in the rose, the flowers on the blankets on your bedroom floor. And I am the gray in the ghost that hides with your clothes behind your closet door. I am the green in the grass that bends back from underneath your feet. And I am the blue in your back alley view where the horizon and the rooftops meet. If you cut me I suppose I would bleed the colors of the evening stars. You can go anywhere you wish cause I'll be there, wherever you are. (wherever you are) 2x (I will always be your keys when we are lost in the technicolor phase) The black in the book the letters on the pages that you memorize. And I am the orange in the overcast of color that you visualize. I am the white in the walls that soak up all the sound when you cannot sleep. And I am the peach in the starfish on the beach that wish the harbor wasn't quite so deep. If you cut me I suppose I would bleed the colors of the evening stars. (my darling) You can go anywhere you wish cause I'll be there, wherever you are. (my darling)

what did we wow

video

her morning elegance - oren lavie

amazing stop motion music video
let me say that again: amaaazing
so labor intensive, creative concept, gorgeously arranged and aesthetic, (also happen to like the song)

20090428

what did we purchase




new $4 grey tank dress top from wet seal on sale (first time i've ever found / bought anything there)

hurray for spring

20090427

what did we age into


i'm not sure how to explain this phenomenon that took place without my notice until i looked back and suddenly saw, but the best way to put it is that i have aged.

i am usually pleased by the thought that i do not act, speak or present myself as the age i am. in fact, if i'm honest, i probably take a little pride in that i matured before i was expected to and that people often fail to guess my age accurately. i know i am capable beyond my age and i've always subscribed to the idea that age should never be an obstacle to goals.

except the past nine months was like pressing fast forward on the navigation bar of my mental and emotional age. i'm so sped up i'm scared it won't stop.

i feel parts of me growing cynical and pessimistic. i find myself always concerned. i don't know where carefree is anymore. and i tell myself that this summer i'll be able to relax. but even as i think that i send out resumes and cover letters to anywhere that i find even a chance possibility of a job between the middle of may when i'm released from school and the end of august when i dive back in. i feel like an adult while simultaneously feeling that i shouldn't be that adult yet.

oh "maturity" is that word that is complimentary up to one point, pity up to the next and then merely polite when you're past that one. i'm phasing in between the word's use as a compliment of wisdom beyond years and it's use as compliment-disguising-sympathy for your loss of adolescence.

pablo picasso said the following words when told he painted like a child. (his father being an art instructor, he became a master of technical perfection by the age of 7 - 10 etc.)
"It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child."
in a sense - i suppose it took me no time at all to "mature" - i can only hope i learn to be a child.

20090426

what did we aspire: JAMES DATZ





www.neitherfishnorfowl.com

INCREDIBLE RESUME

(site reference courtesy of neha)

what i'd like to do as a career for money.

he's done:
entire end to end art direction / photo direction / type copy for UO europe website
lots of tshirt designs for various retail companys / brands
plenty of typography exploration
poster designs /cd booklets and design
editorial book illustration
catalogs / branding / packaging / complete company overlook

can i just say....if i could be this, do this, be so successful - it would be more than enough - i would consider myself incredibly blessed. this is inspiration.

20090425

what did we cute


pb + j necklace (mmmm peanut butter)

bunnies in love necklace

cookies and milk necklace
cute cute (too cute to really wear)

courtesy of amanda referencing me to www.girlzlyfe.com
(not entirely fond of the domain name...or of the prices...but i must confess the bunnies and humanoid food really hits some cute trigger within me)

what did we SEEK


copy and paste of a section of a conversation with di:

"i had / still have / still stressing about price
but i feel like
i truly tried my best
and this was my first time and i mean - God works in this even when i am unconscious of it
plus my parents are being super understanding
so at this point of no return i feel like rather than being mournful and guilty and sad - i need to learn to be grateful, joyful and learn from the experience"

it's true. the past two and a half weeks have been stressful beyond almost any other period of time in my (still young) life. apartment hunting, looking at more places than i can now recollect (somewhere around twenty five), dealing with brokers and people and understanding what we need and what we want and what we should do is like pushing something harder than it is willing to bend but forcing it to be flexible. like gently bending a plastic spoon to touch both ends together - practically impossible, incredibly difficult, ridiculous. "i don't know" "ok" "i see" have just been on repeat for me and they're all such neutral nothing statements that mean so little.

today at about 11:00 i received the news that we had for sure received the apartment we hoped for. i was ecstatic. i literally jumped up and down. then this evening the stress struck again. how did i end up at this price? how did i feel like i deserved this? how did i result at this? and why was i feeling so guilty?

thank God for church and people at church who truly mean it when they ask you how you're doing, can see the stress in your face and sit you down to talk to you about your troubles in detail and then pray for you. i'm feeling increasingly at peace with where i am and what i'm doing. i believe there is meaning and intention from God in every detail of my life - even my rent. i am happy. i want to be happy being happy. and at peace.

20090424

what did we wake up to

not exactly sure where it is that i go from here.

i was questioning myself as to whose respect, opinion and admiration or approval i seek in life. but then i realized the accompanying question is - what do all these sectors of people ask of me? and what do i ask of myself?

i feel like i may be slowly suffocating myself into a claustrophobic unescapable cube of expectations. it's not wrong to want to be better is it? except i realize it's wrong to constantly believe that what i do and how i act is simply not good enough. there are so many things i want to be.

i want to be a good daughter. a good sister. a good friend. a good girlfriend. a good student. a good scholar. a good designer. a good artist. a good Christian. a good daughter of Christ. and "good" doesn't entirely express what i feel like i should be able to be pushed to do. i don't want to be passable or adequate - i want to be stellar. stunning. superb. and i realize that the desire to be all this comes, sometimes, from perhaps not the most sincere place. am i seeking to be a good friend so that my friends will realize i am and praise me for it? am i seeking to be a good student so that my professors will take a liking to me and remember who i am?

i think my desires are true. in the sense that i desire to be, that i push myself to be because i know i can be. because i know that's what the best of me is and i only want to present my best to the people i care about and to myself. i may struggle to live up to my own set of standards but at least i can look straight at myself and understand i try as hard as i can, that i strive to be even when it seems that i cannot be much more anymore.

20090421

what did we question

thought of the day (?) {my life (?)}

whose opinion is it that i value and seek, my teachers and adults in my life, my peers, myself or my God?

answerless as of now. or not confronted for an answer.

thanks to a friend for the following idea in answer to my previous post:
Colossians 3:23-24
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."

not something i didn't know before hand necessarily - but something i need constant reminder of. i honestly try to work at everything with all my heart, but i do not always remember that i am working for the Lord - hence the question. am i working for myself? to avoid my own self disappointment? am i working for my teacher's approval, praise and grading? am i working to be better than my peers?

20090420

what did we reflect upon

"we are a moment, You are forever"

i think today i realized how temporary what i do is. i work for weeks and weeks on a project in order to have it critiqued for 5 - 10 minutes. the end. all the time invested, energy, motivation, inspiration, creative imagination...5 - 10 minutes and finished. i think it truly frustrates me at times, especially when i know that something i have done is the best i can do - that this is something i'm proud of and feel like it deserves attention. i love the feeling of knowing i am happy and satisfied with my work and have nothing to fear when placing it before the scrutiny of my peers and professors. the not so great feeling is after your minutes of spotlight attention are up and your work is put away and you take it home...to sit somewhere quietly neglected.

i have yet to reconcile myself to the entirely temporary state of all my efforts. the results are sorely lacking in satisfaction.

i'm trying so hard to understand this career path i've chosen and simultaneously realize that it isn't all important. the above quote is taken from one of the worship songs we sang this morning: be unto your name. while singing these words, the truth of it clicked with my repressed feelings, not meaning that i've completely accepted what i know to be true, but it's work in progress.

i am a moment. all i do is a moment. only You are forever; only You are eternal.

20090418

what did we JOY


today the high temperature was 26 degrees celcius yesterday it was 23. it's been the most gorgeous spring weekend full of tank tops and dresses and people walking around in tshirts and shorts without even carrying a jacket. the good weather has me feeling really happy about myself and life in general. things are a lot more tolerable in sunny clear bright days.

so i didn't go out in a dress / skirt / tshirt etc etc. but i did go out in my "new" white addidas high tops. "new" in the sense that yesterday was the very first time i walked out wearing them even though i bought them early january this year. so it's been slightly over three months since the actual purchase....they practically shined and glowed in the sun.

(wheeeeee!)

20090415

what did we do for the last 10 days

the last ten days were crazy. so intense.
i completed a 3d body in time assignment consisting of a 2x2x2' cube which i wore to and back from school
i completed a 2d 3 week assignment consisting of 13 digital frames of a narrative about a north korean child refugee
i did not sleep for a full 27 hours
i tried to catch "bobby" the mouse with a shoebox
i, with nicole, organized and successfully executed a (pretty amazing if i can claim it) surprise birthday party for erin and janice
i finally broke my lent fast with a peanut butter swirl brownie and ice cream
i saw four brothers in Christ baptized
i looked at, with neha and joint with her, 16 apartments



20090405

what did we waste lots of time doing


crayon sculptures by diem chau

mustache pencils for boring classes anyone?
lately:

http://.szymon.tumblr.com

has been taking up my surfing the net time. and been what i flip through on "breaks" in working.

warning: if you click on the above link, i am not responsible for the time you will then spend there.

so many images are just so great and there's more random design stuff out there that you would never have discovered on your own. apparently there are some 230 pages or so....

site recommendation courtesy of christal - chasingfivetwo

20090401

what did we take to heart

lately, it seems to be a time of inspirational speeches and passionate people eager to impart knowledge to us (those that still have their lives ahead of them).

jack solomon, my drawing studio teacher, had his friend and catalog designer gary bielski come in and speak to us about the work he does. having majored in fine arts at notre dame, he graduated university to realize he didn't enjoy working for others and began his own company at the age of 23 helping others in their branding, company image, logos, identity etc. he does everything it seems in that realm. i for one, though not agreeing fully with all he lives by, really took some of the ways of thinking he advised us to consider into thought he said things that all of us know and have heard and think of but don't really take to heart, don't really care, don't adopt into our lifestyles:

ask questions
pick yourself up, you can always get up again
don't be trendy
structure
think obliquely, not linear or horizontal
be open to possibilities
pay attention to everything around you
get involved
don't be stuck in one job all your life
think in simplicity
don't be lazy
have passion
commit


"if you're not learning, you're doing something wrong or you should be doing something else"


mental note to self: don't be afraid of what you don't know